Something To Believe In
by tessssssseract
Summary: When Emma finds herself with a life-altering situation, her magic becomes out of control. Faced with the consequences of her magic's life of it's own, Emma is set down a dark path she may not be able to turn back from, forever changing her life and the lives of those around her. Note: It gets dark. Real dark. Includes Emma/Killian (Captain Swan) and Snowing. Spoilers 3x22
1. Late for What?

"Okay concentrate Emma, concentrate", Emma whispered to herself as she closed her eyes and tried to conjure up a fireball in the palm of her hand. Of course it would have been so much easier with Regina helping her and training her, but ever since she brought Marian back from the Enchanted Forest a year ago, the queen has been nothing but icy to her. Especially since Robin and Marian rekindled their love for each other and Regina was left high and dry and very, very pissed off.

Distracted by her thoughts about Regina, the fireball she had managed to bring forth in her hand withered into a glowing ember and then extinguished itself. Admittedly, she knew it wasn't just thoughts of Regina that had been bothering her. It was something more recent that had been on her mind, something she'd been trying to repress.

_How am I going to tell him? I'm sure it's nothing, Swan. But it's still something of concern. No, it really is nothing. But still…_

The door to her apartment opening startled her out of her circular thoughts and she looked over to see Killian walking in with a bag of groceries and Henry in tow.

"Greetings, Swa–why does it smell like smoke in here?" The pirate asked. Emma sheepishly looked up at him and confessed she'd been practicing her magic, but fireballs weren't exactly her forte.

"Don't worry mom, you'll get there. It took Regina a while to get them too, but look at her now!" Emma flinched at the mention of Regina, though Henry didn't seem to notice. Killian, on the other hand, perceptive as usual, did. He walked over to where she was sitting on the couch and placed his right hand on her knee as he sat beside her. "Love, there's nothing you can do about it, you know that. Regina's a big girl, and you saved a woman's life. Stop beating yourself up about it."

"I know, I know, it's just…well she's Henry's mother too, and I wish things were better between us. For Henry's sake. And I could use her help with magic. I just can't help feeling guilty for ruining her happiness."

"No one can ruin your own happiness without your consent."

Surprised, Emma looked up at her handsome pirate. "What do you mean?"

"I mean yes, you were an instrument of her misery," (Emma winced, but Killian continued) "but it is she who decided to feel unhappy about it and blame you for all that is wrong in her life."

"I guess…" she said, not entirely convinced. She looked down, biting her lip, her mind jumping to the other thing that had been occupying her mind.

"Is something else the matter, love? Beg my pardon, but your magic usually comes easier to you, and fireballs are well, somewhat elementary compared to what you've managed to do in the past. It seems to me that there's something else on your mind. Something else that's bothering you." He pushed a lock of her hair behind her ear and stroked her cheek, prompting her to open up to him.

Damn deceptive man. She looked around to see if Henry was still around, but he had taken a banana and a book into his room and was nowhere in sight. She steeled herself for what she was about to say. "Well, uh, Killian, I'm sure it's nothing, but um…I'm late."

"Pardon? Late for what?" He smiled at her, confused.

"No, I mean, I'm late. As in, my monthly um…visitor, is late."

Shocked, and a tad uncomfortable, he said "Oh." He scratched his ear in that nervous, adorable way of his and continued "Well, uh…thanks for sharing that with me, love, though I don't believe it's any of my business what goes on in your—"

"Killian, I don't know if you understand. I mean I may be making a big deal out of this, but in this world (and all of them, to my knowledge), if your period is late, it can mean a lot of things. It's generally a sign for being, well, with child."

He stared at her, stunned. "But you're not, are you?"

"Not that I know of! Look, I just wanted to tell you before I look into this, okay? I mean, we're honest and comfortable with each other so I just wanted you to know I'm concerned about this and I'm going to check it out. Alright?"

Shaking himself out of his initial reverie, he took her hand and squeezed. "Alright. I'm here for you, whatever the result." Then he thought of something and chuckled. "I must say, Swan, you've come a long way from the way you were a year ago, before our dalliance or I'd warmed you over. You never would have opened up to me and shared your concerns like you did just now."

"Well, it's true. I want to be open with you because I love you, and you brought my walls down. I'm not that person anymore. It's hard, being like this, but I know it's for the better."

"Aye, that it is." He kissed her forehead and stood up to finish unpacking the groceries he had brought in before. Meanwhile, she stood up and went to the door, grabbing her coat and her keys. "Swan, where you going? I was just about to make dinner."

"Like I said, I'm going to look into this. I'll be back soon."

"Alright, don't be long—" he called after her, but she had already swung the door shut.

Nervous tension filled her body as she stared at the pregnancy test in her hand that she had just bought from the drugstore. She had to practically threaten Clark the drugstore owner a.k.a Sneezy to keep this quiet, saying she'd appreciate his silence and respecting her privacy, and if he didn't, well, she left that up to his imagination as she shifted her coat aside to show him her sheriff's badge and holstered gun. It wasn't her proudest moment, but she didn't want the sheriff's possible pregnancy getting out around this tiny town. Emma considered herself lucky it wasn't Leroy who operated the drugstore.

She walked into Granny's to order a hot cocoa to still her nerves, as she knew she wasn't ready to go back to her apartment and face Killian's questioning face. But she was dying to find out the answer to the test, as well as dreading it. While waiting for her hot cocoa, she slipped into the bathroom at the diner and sat on the toilet, unwrapping the pregnancy test. Taking a deep breath, she did what the stick instructed (and peed on it) and let it sit for a minute. She paced up and down the stall, not wanting to think about the what ifs. What if she was pregnant? How could she pregnant? Now that was an important question. She and Killian had been careful. She was on birth control, and though they didn't use condoms since they were both tested and safe, she figured the 98-99% effectiveness of the pills would be enough to prevent any pirate swan babies from being born. While she was pondering this question, the timer on her phone dinged, telling her a minute was up. She breathed deeply and picked up the test.

_Such a tiny stick,_ she thought to herself. _Such a tiny thing, and yet it holds the answer to my future. An answer that could change my life…Stupid stick. _Emma looked at it.

Stupid stick indeed. She was pregnant.


	2. Under Control

"No no no no no, how could this have happened?!" Emma shouted in the bathroom. A knock sounded at the door, and she heard Ruby's familiar voice call through the door, "Emma? Is that you? Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine Ruby, just, uh, watching my favorite show." She cringed at her completely lame excuse, hoping Ruby wouldn't ask any more questions. She thought she heard the other woman snort before she said "Oh, uh, okay…have fun with that."

Once Ruby had left, Emma stood up and looked at herself in the mirror, smoothing her hair and pondering her reflection. How soon would be that her body would change to accommodate the life growing inside her? Her body was built to change, grow bigger, make room for a child…but Emma wasn't built for change that was sprung on her. She made her own fate. It was something she had learned ever since she was a child, being forced to move from foster home to foster home, until she took control over her life and ran away. Stealing, living on the streets or in stolen cars…it may not have been ideal, but at least she had decided to live that way. When she found herself pregnant for the first time, she was so terrified; terrified of how out of control the situation was. She couldn't stop her body from growing larger and feeding the baby in her. After Neal had set her up and let her go to prison, she had only herself to count on, her wits and her body to get her through her ordeals. Not anymore. She was once again betrayed, this time by her own body.

Emma splashed some cool water on her face, hoping to clear her muddled mind, but it only managed to hit her with the cold hard truth of reality instead; she was pregnant, with Killian's child, and she wasn't ready. She had let Henry down, had never raised a child from infancy before, and while she knew she had memories of raising him, they were still fake, and no proof that she knew how to handle her own baby.

"Oh god," she whimpered. Her heartbeat was speeding up and she started breathing faster and faster until she felt lightheaded and felt the need to grab the sink. _Killian…_His name flashed into her head. "Okay okay call Killian he'll know what to do. He'll help you Emma. It's okay. He'll understand. It's okay." Her whispers failed to reassure her but they managed to convince her to pick up her phone and shakily dial Killian's number. She collapsed onto the floor in exhaustion as the phone rang.

"_Hello? Love, you there?" _

With a shaky breath she picked up the phone and said "Killian, can you, come get me. Please. I…I…"she breathed heavily. "I need you."

There was no hesitation in his voice when he asked "_Emma where are you? I'll come get you."_

"Granny's. I'm in the bathroom. Just…hurry." She hung up and tossed the phone on the floor, leaning her head back against the bathroom wall, not caring about how clean the area where she was sitting was.

She wasn't sure how much time had passed when she heard a knock on the door and her pirate's voice. "Emma? You in there? Open the door, love."

Emma flicked her hand to unlock the door but ended up blowing it off it's hinges, surprising Killian. _Great. Magic's another thing I have no control over, _she thought to herself.

Hook rushed in, setting the door gently against the bathroom wall and went over to Emma, squatting down so his eyes were level with hers. He brushed the hair back from her face and saw the devastated expression on her face. Killian pulled her into a hug and cradled her head to his shoulder. "Emma, please, tell me what's wrong. Let me help."

She pulled away from him to look into his eyes, not bothering to hesitate and contemplate how she was going to break the news to him, and simply blurted out "I'm pregnant."

Killian looked at her, shocked. His jaw had dropped and he had to compose himself and close it again before he spoke. "You're with child, lass?"

She nodded and handed him the pregnancy test. "I…I don't understand. What is this?" he said.

"It's a pregnancy test. You, well, you pee on it. The blue dot means I'm pregnant." She tried not to think about how her voice shook when she spoke.

"Well, I can't begin to understand how this…stick contraption, works, but I think I have more pressing issues to try and understand. So…you're with child. With my child. I, I thought we were taking precautions, love?"

"Yes yes I know, but I guess something happened. My magic interfered with it or I forgot—oh."

"What is it? Emma?"

"No I just remember, when there was that car crash on Main Street after Elsa lost control of her magic and made the road all icy…when dealing with the crash and the aftermath I must've forgotten to my birth control…Whatever happened, it doesn't matter now, because what's done is done and I'm pregnant and I'm not ready to have this baby, especially since we've only been together for a year, and I don't know the first thing about taking care of babies and—" she was cut off by Killian's lips, which he crushed to hers as he cupped her face with his hand and the side of his hook. Emma could feel all the love and support he poured into that kiss as he parted her lips with his own and stroked her gently with his tongue. He broke away and looked into her eyes.

Breathing heavily, he said, "Sorry, love, to take advantage of you in your vulnerable state, it's merely that I couldn't stand to hear you worrying. Everything is going to be alright. I won't leave your side. We're in this together." Emma looked at him and saw he meant every word. She wasn't going to be alone. "Whatever choice you make is yours regarding the babe," he continued, "but to be a father and raise a child with you would be…the greatest gift you could ever give me. However, I can wait as long as necessary until you're ready. This child…if you're ready to raise it, then I won't force you to. Whatever you decide…I'm with you every step of the journey." He wiped away the tears that had started to roll down her cheeks and helped her to her feet.

"Looks like I'm going to have to fix Granny's door," she breathed, unsteady on her feet as she observed the plank of wood resting on the bathroom wall.

"Leave that to me love. You have other things to worry out." He kissed her temple and escorted her out of the diner into her car.

_At least I'm not alone this time._

"Emma, what do we tell Henry?" Killian implored.

"Nothing, yet. It's too soon. I mean, I'd prefer to first figure out what to do about…_it."_

_"'__It'? _Swan, it's a child. Our child." Emma felt intense guilt looking at his puppy dog eyes. She knew that he would love nothing more in this world than for her to give birth to this child and to raise it together, but she also knew that she couldn't have a baby, not now, not with everything hectic in Storybrooke still with new arrivals, magical creatures, and who knows what.

"I know, I know, but I can't think like that. Don't you know how insane this is? The first time I had a child, I gave him up. Henry was miserable because of me. I didn't raise him. I barely know what to do now, and I love him with all my heart, but a baby…that's a completely different matter Killian. And you, you're a pirate! You've been one for over three hundred years and I know you've changed, but raising a baby with a man with a hook who used to kill people…" she trailed off as she saw the look on his face.

"Is that what you really think of me? I know I've made mistakes and done terrible things love, but I thought you had accepted that. I suppose I was wrong."

"No, Killian, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that, I just…this is stressful, you know that!"

"Aye. I have a feeling I'm not helping. Perhaps you require some time alone to figure out what you do want, Swan." She tried to grab his arm but he pulled it away from her as he moved towards the door. "I'm here for you, always, but when you're ready to trust me completely…come find me." With that, he closed the door behind him (quite loudly, too).

"Shit! SHIT SHIT SHIT!" she shouted. _Me and my stupid mouth. "_GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!" She slammed her foot on the apartment floor, and suddenly a fissure spread out from where her boot had contacted the ground, splitting the floor all the way to the door and under it. The crack was wide enough that she could have fit her fist through it, though luckily it wasn't deep enough that she could the floor below her. "Seriously?" Her magic was getting more and more out of control as her emotions run wild. She tried to take deep breaths to calm herself, and closed her eyes and concentrated, trying to mend the floor. There was a loud rumble as the floor shook and the edges of the fissure wobbled closer, but didn't close completely. "Well fuck."

She wasn't just sad now, she was angry. Angry at herself, for letting this happen and for pushing Killian away, angry at Killian for wanting something she _couldn't _give him, not yet, and angry at Neal and her parents and Regina and all the people who had made her life a mess besides herself. She was seething. She felt fire inside of her, burning her up. No, she was fire. She smelled it, felt it, and tasted it. She sniffed, something curious touching her nose. _Wait, is that smoke? _

Surprised, Emma turned to see that all the burners on the stove had turned on and were burning at full blast, the flames reaching up to the fan that hung above them. She rushed over to turn them off before she caused even more damage to the apartment. "Things really couldn't get any worse, could they?"

What Emma didn't notice, however, was the steam rising off of her skin and the seared off patches in her clothing. She was fire, alright.


	3. Okay

"Breathe Swan, breathe." Killian comforted her as they both stood facing the Charming's apartment door. "Your parents will be accepting and supportive no matter what."

She looked at Killian and was reminded how lucky she was to have him in her life. She had half expected him to take off running when he found out she was pregnant, and not that he was the one who was most comfortable with the idea of keeping the baby. Once he had cooled off after their falling out, he had returned to the apartment, astonished to see her clothes in tatters and the floor equally ruined. Before he had even gotten a chance to exclaim an expletive she had apologized profusely, telling him that she knew he was capable of being careful, loving, and supportive, as he had demonstrated as much with her. No doubt he would make a wonderful father, and she _did_ trust him, completely. More than she had trusted anyone in her entire life and it scared her. Emma still wasn't used to the intensity of her emotions for her pirate, and so to protect herself when times were rough, she would sometimes slam her walls back up. After that confession, she also had to admit that her anger and magic _may_ have got the best of her. Just a little.

Now, staring at Killian, she was overwhelmed with gratitude and affection. "I love you, you know that?"

He chuckled warmly. "I do. Even if I didn't, nothing could keep me from being by your side." He kissed her forehead and nodded towards the door. Taking a deep breath, she knocked on the wood, the sound echoing in the silent hall.

When the door swung open a cheerful David greeted them. After seeing her face however, and the intense way in which Killian seemed to be holding Emma up and watching her every move, David's face fell slightly, changing into an expression of concern. "Hey, Emma, Killian. Is everything alright with you guys?" Before Emma or Killian could say anything, a voice from the back of the loft shouted "Well don't just stand there, let them in!". David, being the obedient husband of course, ushered them inside and closed the door. Taking another look at their serious expressions, he sighed and said "Well, whatever is, I suspect I'm going to need a drink," and on second thought added, "perhaps you two would like one as well?"

Killian uttered a "No thanks mate" at the same time Emma said "Yes please", which managed to elicit a surprised look from David. It wasn't often that the pirate captain turned down a drink. It was at that time that Mary Margaret appeared in the room, and having witnessed the odd exchange said "What's going on?"

"Hi mom. Uhm, well, Killian and I have some news that we thought we should share with you."

"Aye, we're in a bit of an interesting situation", Killian added. "You may want to take a seat first though, before we inform you."

"Okay, I'm officially suspicious, pirate", David directed at Killian while he took a seat in a loveseat, while Mary Margaret sat down next to him.

"No need to be, Your Majesty" Hook said, somewhat bitterly. He squeezed Emma's hand. "It's not an easy thing to say, but Emma could use your support. Understand?"

David and Mary Margaret, somewhat taken aback by the severe tone of Killian's voice, nodded. "Of course, whatever it is. She has our support. As do you." Snow insisted.

Killian, satisfied they would do their best to be accepting, turned to Emma and squeezed her hand again gently. "Go on then, love."

"Right, yeah. So um…I'll just get this out there then. So I, uh, well, I'm pregnant, and I don't know what to do with the baby…And the more I think about it, the more my magic is getting out of control. I'm scared, mom, dad. And I could really use your advice. Especially since you somewhat know where I'm coming from."

There was a shocked silence that filled the room after her confession, which Emma did not take as a good sign. "Say something, please."

Her mother was the first to speak. "Oh Emma that's wonderful!", a reaction Emma certainly hadn't expected and caused Killian to mutter quietly so only Emma could hear him, "Well, that _was_ something."

"Wonderful? Did you not hear what I said? I'm scared out of my mind! And all you have to say is 'that's wonderful'?!"

"It is, depending on how you look at it. You could see it as a second chance, being able to raise a child from birth, a chance your father and I got with Neal that we so regretted missing out on with you."

"Yes but you're married and, and…Prince Charming and Snow White! Your love is the truest of love and you know you're always going to be together. You've ruled kingdoms and defeated evil; of course you're capable of raising a child. But me? I was an orphan, jumping around from foster home to foster home, unwanted and unloved until I was abandoned by the first guy I thought cared about me. Meeting Henry was the best thing to ever happen to me, because it gave me a family, and eventually Killian, but…I didn't raise him as a baby. And I know I've come along way from the scared little girl or woman I was, but…part of me thinks I'm still too damaged to ever take care of something so precious, and fragile…I would only be causing it pain."

"But you're not doing it alone this time Emma. You have us, and Killian, and Henry." David reassured her, "Heck, pretty much the whole town loves you."

"But…why?" She hated how her voice came out so small and weak sounding, as if she were still that scared little orphan Emma. "Why do they love me? What have I done to deserve their love? To deserve _any_ of your love and devotion and support? I broke a curse, so what? Slaying dragons is a lot different than having a baby. I still keep people out and hurt them because I'm afraid…" she looked over at Killian, remembering how long she had kept him at bay, denying her feelings for him and hurting his. Emma turned to face her parents, who she had also hurt by keeping them out of her heart for so long, refusing to see them as her mom and dad. Tears were flowing freely now.

Charming and Snow exchanged a glance, both thinking the same thing. _How did we not see how broken our daughter is inside? Even after a year of happiness, she still doesn't believe in herself._

"Emma, we're so sor—" Snow broke off, noticing how the lights had started to dim and flicker in the room during Emma's tearful admission, and how black fog was starting to roll in from all points of the apartment. "What the…" David said, standing up, his hand automatically going to his belt, as if he were wearing his sword at this moment (not that it could do much against fog).

Killian stood up and put a hand on Charming's arm, pushing it back down to his side. "No no mate it's alright, it's nothing sinister. She's just afraid." He pointed at Emma. "Like the lass said, her magic is out of control at the moment." He turned to Emma and kneeled in front of her. "Hey, Emma, look at me. You're safe and among those who love you. This decision you have to make you don't have to do alone." He brushed the tears off her cheek like he had done in the Enchanted Forest when she thought her mother had died only to be alive and not recognize her own daughter. It seemed like centuries ago.

The fog slowly began to recede and disappear as Emma was soothed by her boyfriend. Man-friend? Lover? She still didn't know what to call him besides Killian or occasionally Hook still. Nevertheless, she appreciated how easily he could calm her.

"I'm not going to pretend I'm not concerned about how your magic is getting out of control, but I do trust you, Emma. With everything." David said. "When it comes to the baby, I think you should do what's best for you. If you're not ready to have another child, then don't. It is a responsibility that I'm sure you can handle, but if you don't feel you can, then I trust you to make the right decision."

"Thanks dad." David pulled Emma to her feet and gave her a hug, rubbing her back soothingly and cradling her head to his shoulder.

"Emma…" Mary Margaret began hesitantly, "I don't think you should abort or give up this baby."

David let go of Emma's head and turned around, facing his wife in surprise. He and Emma both hadn't expected her to straight out say what Emma should or shouldn't do.

"It's just that…" she hesitated. "Do you remember how much you regretted giving up Henry? Not seeing his first steps or his first word? Every day I still think of missing out on that with you, and I know you wish you could turn back time and raise Henry from birth, even if you think you're not capable of it. If you give up this baby, you'll regret it and I want to protect you from that heartache."

"Of course I'd regret it, but I have to think of what's best for the baby, and having me raising it…I break everything I touch. People always told me how broken and weak I was when I was kid and that always stuck with me. I fought back, but…when it comes to raising a kid, it's different."

"I know, sweetie. Hang on a sec, let me just call someone." Mary Margaret went over to the phone and dialed a number while David, Killian, and Emma looked over questioningly.

"Hi Ashley, it's Mary Margaret. Yeah, yeah, hi! Listen, I was wondering if you could talk to Emma. I know how much she affected you when you were about to give birth, and I think she could be reminded of that. Would you mind speaking to her? She's going through a rough time. Oh you could? Thanks. I have her right here. Yeah let me just hand her the phone." Snow then walked over to Emma and handed her the phone and put her hand on the mouth piece. "It's not my place to tell her you're pregnant, as that's your business, but I think you should listen to what she has to say." Emma nodded and took the receiver.

"Hey Ashley, it's Emma."

"_Hi Emma, what's up? Is everything okay? Mary Margaret sounded pretty concerned on the phone and wanted to see if I could cheer you up. Is there something…something going on?" _Ashley asked on the phone.

The black fog started rolling in again as Emma was struck with fear about revealing her pregnancy to someone outside of her family. But Ashley was a friend, and though they didn't know each other that well….Emma trusted her. "Yeah well I'm preggers." She attempted a blasé tone. "Again."

"_And you're not sure what to do about it_?" Ashley was pretty perceptive for a 20-something year-old.

"Yup." She glanced over at Killian as he put his arm on the small of her back, showing her he was there to support her, which he'd proved time and time again.

"_That's understandable. I was only nineteen when you reminded me that I didn't have to be scared. Emma, whatever you decide, I want you to know that if it weren't for you, I wouldn't have Alexandra, who's the greatest gift life has given me. I thought I wasn't ready, but surprisingly, when I had her, it didn't matter. Because I had people to help me and I had her, and that's what was important. Also remember you already have a kid, and you're a wonderful mother to Henry! So when it comes to maternal instincts and doing what's right for your child, you're fully capable."_

"Yeah, I guess you have a point there," Emma smiled, even though the other girl couldn't see her face. Emma hadn't thought of that yet, how it might come naturally despite what you thought.

"_Listen, even though things were different back then, one thing you told me stuck with me. I remember it word for word. You told me that people are going to tell you who you are your whole life, but that you just have to punch back as tell them 'No, this is who I am.' You told me that if I wanted people to look at me differently, I would have to make them, and in order to change things, I would have to do so myself. So Emma, listen to yourself. You're in control of your life. No one else can tell you what to do. But if you're scared of what people have told you your whole life, that you're worthless or weak or not ready, then I say fuck 'em. Because you're one of the most capable, strong women I've ever met. And I'm not just saying that because I'm eternally grateful to you, but because it's true. My fairy godmother may be dead, but in that moment when you helped me, you were my fairy godmother, so let me be yours. And as your fairy godmother, listen to my advice: any baby will be lucky to have you as a mother, so don't let this baby go." _Emma breathed out heavily after hearing Ashley's speech (she hadn't realized she'd been holding her breath). Emma never knew she had affected the girl so deeply, even though she knew she had convinced her to keep her baby. But to have so fundamentally changed her attitude on life…

_"_Ashley…"

"_Yeah?" _

_"_You're amazing. Thank you."

"_Don't thank me, Emma. Thank yourself. I'm just telling you what you taught me. Good luck." _And with that, Cinderella aka Ashley Boyd-Miller hung up the phone. Emma stared at the plastic contraption as she lowered it from her ear, surprised at how much it was wobbling in her hand. She realized it was her hand that was shaking violently so she dropped the phone on the sofa and grabbed Killian's hand and squeezed.

Her company was filled with expectant, questioning faces. Neal started crying in the distance, so Mary Margaret hurriedly rushed over and picked him up. She then came over to Emma and smiled, placing the little prince in her arms while he was still crying. Emma had held him multiple times, so she looked up at her mother, a confused expression on her face. "Mom, what are you…" she trailed off as she looked down and realized that Neal had stopped crying. She looked back up at her mother. "This doesn't mean anything. I just have an effect on Neals." David chuckled but Killian tensed slightly.

"No, you have an effect on babies. Emma. You can do this. I know you can."

"But…"

"No, Swan, she's right. You _can_ do this. If anyone can, it's you." Something had changed in Killian when he watched his love holding her baby brother. He wanted to have a child with Emma, more than anything. "You don't have to decide now love, and I still stand by whatever you wish, but I'm telling you, any baby will be lucky to have you."

Emma's glistening eyes met Killian's blue eyes. His blue orbs always calmed her and reminded her of the ocean. "That's what Ashley said to me."

David joined the conversation. "The girl is surprisingly wise for her years. There's no doubt in my mind that what both she and Killian and your mother have said are true."

Emma once again looked down at Neal, who had fallen asleep holding onto her finger. Love overwhelmed her. False memories of when she held Henry for the first time flooded her, and she knew, then, that she wanted to make that experience real by holding her own baby in her arms. "I'm going to keep the baby," she whispered to Neal. Ironically, it was something she never got to tell the former Neal, because she had been so broken and damaged and _in jail._ Also because he had left her. But that was in the past. She handed the baby back to her mother and father and then hugged Killian. He wrapped his arms around her automatically, though he hadn't heard what she had said to Neal, as she had said it so quietly.

Emma pulled back and once again looked into his eyes. "Okay. I can do this. We can do this. I want to keep this baby."

Breath hitched in Killian's throat and a gasp was elicited from the Charmings. "Okay." His voice wavered with emotion, as tears welled up in his eyes. He was overwhelmed with love for her and their unborn child. He hadn't cried since he had held Milah in his arms, when she gave her last breath. Now he could witness his child give their first. "Okay" he said again, and kissed Emma, both of them pouring all the love and emotion they felt as their lips connected tenderly, and for once David didn't clear his throat to break them up.


	4. The Evil Queen

Emma was in a state of bliss. She was practically glowing, and Killian took every opportunity to remind her how beautiful she looked. He was also very fussy and overprotective; after all, no matter how much he was on Team Baby, he still had no idea what pregnancy was really like for women (like most men). Emma had to constantly remind him that she was fully capable of walking around and doing things like normal, she just shouldn't be running around and chasing monsters. At six months, her stomach was huge; she looked ready to pop though she had another three months to go. Her pirate quite enjoyed the enormity of her stomach, as he found it a handy table for when they would snuggle and watch the moving-picture box (as he called it), as well as a comfortable pillow for when he just wanted to feel her chest expand and contract with each breath and feel the baby kick. He had never experienced anything quite this magical before. When the baby would get particularly feisty he would sing old sea shanties and nursery rhymes his mother had sung him when he couldn't sleep. His deep, melodic voice, full of love and wonder, soothed the little critter and it's mother as well, often causing her to fall into a peaceful sleep.

Never had Emma been so happy. She was surrounded by those who loved her and she loved them all back. More often than not she thought back to her first pregnancy, which had been the complete opposite. Eighteen year-old Emma had been an abandoned orphan in jail, with no friends, no family, and only fear, anger, and pain in her heart. She was so hurt she often imagined her heart being rotten and spoilt, which would cause her to wonder how something so dead inside could even be cultivating life in her belly. As she curled up on her prison bunk at night she imagined she could feel the rot spreading to curl around the baby, punching holes in it's heart like life had done to her.

Luckily, her baby boy had been healthy, and her heartache and misery had left Henry untouched, though it came to visit him later in life. Now, however, she was focused on doing things right for a change; she would keep this baby, love it, cherish it, and make it part of her family.

But in order for a family to function, it needed food. "Killian, the fridge is completely empty!"

"You're the one who keeps eating everything in it, love."

"Oi! It's not me, I'm telling you, it's the baby!"

"Whatever you say, Swan."

Grumbling, she said, "Alright, whatever, I'm going to the store to restock the fridge. Do you need anything?"

"Hey ho hey!" Killian exclaimed as he came rushing over. "What do you think you're doing?!"

"I'm…going to the store? To buy groceries? Killian, I can handle walking down the street and buying groceries, you know. It doesn't involve any running, shooting, or magic wielding (unless I need extra help with carrying the bags). So I'm going." Killian started to protest again, but she cut him off. "No. Shh. I'm going! Bye, love you." She said in a rush as she threw on her coat, ran out the door and closed it behind her before he could stop her or throw a hissy fit. "I love him, but he is one paranoid pirate," she chuckled to herself as she walked down the stairs and emerged onto the quiet street. It wasn't a particularly short walk to the store, but it's not like it would be particularly exerting to carry some groceries while walking at a slow pace. Besides, she figured the fresh air could do her some good.

* * *

><p>"Thanks," she waved to the grocery store clerk as she opened the door, jangling the bell. Unfortunately, by waving goodbye to the clerk, she failed to see the dark-haired woman who was about to enter the store.<p>

"Watch it," Regina said with a biting tone.

"Oh, uh, sorry, Regina." Emma really wasn't in the mood for a fight with the mayor today, especially after hearing the acid in her tone. She still felt guilty about the whole Marian debacle, but had decided to put it behind her and not dwell on it too much, what with her pregnancy occupying most of her time.

"Apology not excepted" Regina said as she crinkled her nose in that way of hers.

Suddenly, Emma felt tired of being kind. "You know what Regina, you might want to start being civil with me. Robin made his choice, Roland has his mother back, and I saved a woman whom you killed in the past. And I won't ever apologize for saving her life. I couldn't have known what would happen when I would bring her back to Storybrooke. Robin is an adult and he made his own decision to stick with his family; a family _you_ took away from him in the first place. I'm still the mother of your son, and we're going to be in each others lives for a very long time. So either you put on a good face and pretend to not hate me, or things will get much, much uglier."

Emma had no idea how angry she was at being treated like crap for the past eighteen months, so she was surprised when all that came tumbling out of her mouth. However, she refused to take it back and show the other woman any weakness.

"Well, well, Ms. Swan, looks like the wizard gave you some courage."

"It wasn't courage I needed, Regina, it was forgiveness. But I never expected to get it from you, so I decided to forgive myself."

"And what makes you think you deserve that forgiveness; forgiveness that you can just bestow upon yourself? It has to be earned, and what have you done to earn _any_ forgiveness?" She smiled viciously at Emma as she said, "You got yourself knocked up, and suddenly you have a brand new look on life, is that it? You think you've been cleansed of all sins because of the innocence in there." She poked her stomach. "Don't fool yourself, _Savior_," she hissed, "you're no innocent yourself. After all, you gave birth to _my_ son in prison, and then _you_ gave him up. The only ounce of motherhood you have in your body _I_ gave to you in the form of memories. When push comes to shove, how do you know you'll be able to actually take care of a child? Or will you just abandon this one as well? You've known nothing but pain and have unapologetically caused it yourself, so what makes you think that you can save your baby from any pain, too? You're no savior, Emma Swan. You're no mother either. You ruin lives and pretend you've fixed them. Good luck raising your baby. It won't be long before you've ruined her life, too, if you haven't already," she ended with a sneer.

Emma couldn't help but stare at the woman in horror, mortified at the things she just said to her. She'd never been that cruel for as long as she'd known her, and she'd toned down the emotional torture of her victims ever since she dropped the "Evil Queen" moniker. Rage quickly replaced Emma's horror, and she hissed through clenched teeth "Get. Out. Of. My. Face."

Regina started to move away from Emma and towards the grocery shop's door, but then turned around to say one last thing. "Oh, and I forgot to say, congratulations on the baby." She then cackled and disappeared into the shop, the cheerful noise of the bell sharply contrasting her maniacal laugh.

Emma stood there for a moment with her grocery bags, breathing heavily. Sparks lanced off her curled fingers and up her arms. The plastic bags crashed to the asphalt outside the shop and cartons of yoghurt splattered onto the pavement where the bag was torn. "Shit." She had melted the plastic handles and ruined the bags, and she seriously did not want to go back in the store and risk running into Regina again, so she threw the broken yoghurt cartons away and used her magic to lift the bags as she made her way home.

* * *

><p>Emma was sitting on the couch, feeling the baby kick. She stroked her stomach, letting her tears fall down on her bare skin. "I'm sorry you wound up with a mother like me," she whispered to her unborn child. "You deserve so much better." Regina's words had hurt her more than she had initially thought, and when she had come back to the apartment she replayed what the mayor had said to her over and over in her mind. <em>She's right…the pain I've felt in my life will only end up hurting you, <em>she thought to herself.

Just then the door opened and Killian came back from whatever errand he had run. "Emma, love, what's the matter?" he asked, immediately picking up on the tension in her shoulders and the sad expression on her face. "Is something wrong with the baby?" He dropped the paper bag he had in his hands and rushed over to her, dropping to his knees in front of her and taking her hands in his. "Talk to me Emma." He stroked her hands, trying to coax her to open up to him like he had had to do on so many countless occasions.

"I ran into Regina today…she was, well, she was Regina, but worse. She was just awful. But she spoke the truth. She reminded me of something."

"What, love?" he smiled at her, prompting her to go on.

"That I'm broken. I abandoned my child. What kind of mother am I to have done that?"

"Oh Emma please not this again! You know that that was a mistake and you've spent enough of your life regretting that. Henry's forgiven you; you just need to forgive yourself. You wanted to give him his best shot, remember? That's what we all know. And I just know that this baby's best shot," he paused, placing both her hands on her stomach with his on top of hers, "is with you. With us."

Emma looked up at him, her emotions a storm inside of her, and she felt a buzzing in her skin and all over her body. Her magic was squirming, wriggling to burst free, and she knew it would if she didn't control her emotions. "Killian…" she put her hand on the side of his face. "I just don't want her to get hurt. I don't want her to feel any pain."

He was about to reply with "But that's not something that is entirely in your control", but was interrupted with a cry from Emma's lips. Electricity had zapped down her spin and had coiled in her belly. It hadn't hurt, but it had certainly taken her by surprise. "Emma?" Killian looked at her with a concerned and questioning expression.

She shook her head, telling him she was okay. "I'm fine, my magic just—AH!" This time she was definitely _not _okay. Emma felt sharp pains originating in her stomach and she gripped Killian as a wave of nausea hit her. She hunched over her stomach in pain.

"Emma! Tell me what's happening!"

"The baby…" she whispered simply, denial causing her to shake her head. "No, no, it might be nothing," she tried to convince herself.

Killian was about to agree and reassure her when his eyes widened in horror as he watched blood blossom on the fabric of Emma's skirt between her legs. She gingerly reached down inside her skirt and pulled her hand out, revealing blood.

At the hospital, Emma wept silently into her pillow as Killian spoke quietly with Dr. Whale and Mother Superior outside her room. "I don't know what could have caused it, her body seems to be in perfect condition."

"So…it was a miscarriage then. She is no longer with child?" Killian asked, the sorrow evident in his voice.

"I'm afraid so," Whale answered solemnly. "I must tell you, though, there was something strange about the tests."

"What is it? What do they say?"

"Well that's the thing. Nothing. The tests didn't give us any answers, whatsoever. It obvious from a physical examination just performed by us that she's alright and healthy, but when we use our machinery no results are given."

"What does that mean? How is that…how is that possible?!" Killian asked. "I know nothing of most of the machinery you have in this world but I know for certain that getting no results is impossible."

"Not…impossible" Mother Superior spoke up. Killian turned to her, as if noticing she was there for the first time. _Why _is_ she here? _he wondered sluggishly in his shocked state.

"There is one reason that I know of that could have caused both her miscarriage and the test failures," Blue continued.

"Well?" Killian asked impatiently, urgent to get back to comforting his love, his Emma.

"Her magic, Captain. Emma's magic caused her miscarriage. I'm afraid Emma killed her baby."


End file.
